Coffee and kisses
by burnt out flashlight
Summary: Coffee, and kisses. The only way they know how to deal. Remus x Harry


Hello everyone! I know that I have not written anything for a long time. Sorry! Honestly everything I wrote was crap. Yucky. Blech. This little baby I have been working on for a long time, and I know it's short but...it will get longer I swear! Basically it is in Harry's POV.

I know my grammar and writing skills are not the greatest so... constructive criticism is appreciated!

--------------

My ears are ringing. The quiet is haunting. I should be used to it by now but I don't think I ever will be. I miss the high pitch squeaks from the girls when one of the boys would chase them, and the heartwarming humming that came from the kitchen when Mrs. Weasley cooked. I miss the laughter, and the tears, and the screaming from Mrs. Black's portrait. Hell I miss everything. The only sound I hear nowadays is the quiet footsteps of Remus, and the coffee pot. He and I are the only ones left you know. Everyone died in the war, fighting for the light. I can't remember the war. Unfortunately I was hit with a memory charm that made me forget the last five weeks before then. All I remember really is that it was rather bloody, but we won. And that's all that matters.

Right?

Wrong.

So very wrong. It's been four months, and the silence is maddening. I can't stand it. I try to do anything that will make noise, but I fail miserably every time. I think Remus might feel the same way. I hear crashes from his room every now and then.

I take a drag on my cigarette. I remember when Hermione caught me smoking. I can still feel the sting on my cheek when she slapped me. She was screaming and telling me that I was going to die of lung cancer.

I smile at the memory, and take another drag, wishing she were here to slap me again.

After a while, I kill the cigarette and head downstairs for some coffee. After the war this was like our life source. We hardly ate or drank anything else. I don't mind though. The caffeine keeps me from sleeping which keeps me from having nightmares.

Remus is worried about me. He says the dark circles under my eyes makes me look dead. I tell him that the circles under his makes him look like a drag queen.

I find Remus in the kitchen nursing a mug of coffee. By the look of the contents inside the pot, this might be his fifth cup.

I get myself some and join Remus at the table.

We sit quietly embracing the awkward and eerie silence that surrounds us.

After a while I run my fingers through my hair trying not to look to distraught. But I am. We both are. I feel tears sting the back of my eyes. I run out of the kitchen before they start to fall.

The pain wells up again before I can stop it and I sink to the ground sobbing.

Familiar arms snake around my waist. And bring me closer to their owner's body.

Remus breath tickles the back of my neck.

"I miss them so much." I croak. My voice thick with tears.

"I know. So do I." he responds.

"I wish I could take their place. I wish it was me who died. I..."

"I know kitten. I know. I feel the exactly the same way." Remus says, cutting me off.

I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder. He places a kiss on my forehead. On my scar to be exact, and moves so that I'm sitting between his legs.

"You know they wouldn't want us to be grieving like this." Remus said softly. He motions to fresh cut marks peeking from underneath my sleeve. I move to cover them but my attention was redirected to equally as fresh marks that were peeking out from underneath _his_ sleeve.

"How long?" I ask, skepticism flashing through my eyes.

"Since the day I got home from Hogwarts exactly three months two days and seven hours' ago." he says, avoiding any possible eye contact.

"Oh." I say softly any anger or spitefulness fading from my system.

That happens a lot now. My sudden mood swings can be a problem sometimes, Although Remus' sudden bursts of anger are somewhat of a problem too.

I sigh, and Remus kisses me softly.

I lean back on his shoulder. "I miss them so much Remy…this silence is driving me to my death"

"I just wish it was more bearable." he says kissing my neck. I turn around so I'm facing him, and bring our lips together. It's a gentle nursing kiss at first but it quickly becomes passionate. We can't get enough of each other. Our hands are everywhere and nowhere all at once. Then we cry. And we can't stop it hurts so bad… I honestly think that there is no tomorrow. Only the maddening drone of today. Remus kisses me and we go on crying. He tastes like old coffee, but I don't mind. I must taste the same way. I guess this is our coping mechanism. Coffee and kisses. It's not healthy is it? Too much caffeine and not enough sleep. Too many kisses but not enough love.

I kiss Remus harder because I can feel the hole in my chest grow bigger, frayed at the edges, horrid and black. It wants to consume me but I can't let it… I won't let it.

"Remus…" Is that my voice?

"Oh god Harry…look at us…were pathetic!" He chuckles, a few more tears spilling down his cheeks.

I kiss both his eyes and pull him close as he sobs.

"You know what I miss? I miss ice-cream." I say as seriously as I can. Remus laughs quietly into my chest.

"Can it be coffee ice cream?"

"Of course! Why not? It's our main food group isn't it?"

"Mmmmm...coffee and kisses."

Remus sighs and rests his head on my shoulder.

--------

The next day we're off on an ice-cream search in muggle London. Who wants to be mauled by adoring fans at a time like this? Seriously they can get scary.

The sun is warm, but the day is cold. It's the middle of November. Remus has his arm wrapped protectively around my waist. We look like any ordinary gay couple.

"Ahhhh so. We are in search of coffee ice-cream right?" Remus says.

"Right!"

"And how are we going to find an open ice-cream shop in winter?"

"Errrr…" Damn. I completely forgot about that bit.

"It's okay kitten! I have a plan!" He smiles down at me.

Thus operation coffee ice-cream search in the middle of winter begins!


End file.
